Writing About All the Sex: Smut vs. Sex Education

Can you write smut and sex education pieces? I’ll give away the answer to the question…yes, you can. Okay, we’re done here, right? Problem solved!

Well, not quite.

Choosing to write only erotic fiction or some form of non-fiction is one thing. Believing you can’t (or shouldn’t) is quite another. As someone who routinely does both, I promise it’s possible. The outside vanilla world already has enough misconceptions about sex writing. We don’t need to internalize any other false narratives for ourselves. Writing both requires slightly different muscles and ways of thinking, but once you learn how to shift between the styles, it’s more than possible.

If you’re on the fence about what you can do or should do, I’ve got a few thoughts.

Write What Speaks to You

All of our personal writing should be something that fuels a passion or offers us some kind of satisfaction or deeper meaning (you pick). If your brain and body light up writing erotic fiction, go for it. If you’ve got wisdom to impart about sex, kink, blowjobs, fisting, or some other sexy topic, write it. The world needs more of our information. Gawd knows the sex education kids get in school doesn’t prepare anyone for the realities of sex. You have a story to tell and you should share it – in whatever form feels right and authentic to you.

Smutty Fiction as Sex Education

For my erotic writing friends who believe they can’t possibly “educate” readers on sex, you already do. Fiction writers live (mostly) in a world of fantasy and make believe. As an avid reader, I’m grateful to you for that. Make it high quality smut, and I’m really happy. We might know on an intellectual level that fictional stories shouldn’t be a roadmap for reality, but when we don’t know where to go looking, a fictional sex scene can seem as good a place as any other.

Teenagers use porn to answer their sexual questions (sad but true) so I assure you someone out there is reading erotica and looking for answers. Should you write your smut specifically to educate people? Not necessarily, but those small realistic details – safe sex, consent, overcoming self esteem concerns, diversity – are real and powerful. Feel free to sprinkle that shit everywhere!

Real Life vs. Fantasy

Yes, readers of erotic fiction believe that their favorite authors engage in all the kinky fuckery they write about. No, they don’t always respect your boundaries because of this. But real people do share their real life sexual experiences all the time. It’s a form of creative non-fiction that can be extremely powerful for readers and writers.

For those bloggers and writers who share your real-life sexual experiences, your writing is just as valid as the informational “How To” stuff and the sexy fiction published by authors. In fact, it’s very influential. When readers come across a sexual moment, a concern, a kink, or one of your million and one experiences, and think, “Me too!” they’re validated. They walk away from the experience realizing they’re not alone – which, over time, in a million small ways, can make the world a better place.

What You Believe to Be True About Sex

It’s taken me a long time to embrace the idea that I might be an “educator” about sex, kink, or hell, even writing and smutlancing. Why? Because I have no official degree that says I know what I’m talking about. All I have are my real-life experiences. How does that stack up against someone who reads all the literature, does the research, and gets all that education? Better than you might realize…

Writing what you believe about sex based on your experiences is a great way to share stories. It doesn’t have to be sultry and sexy to get attention or touch someone. All it has to be is real and genuine. Haters gonna hate but if you add the caveat that you’re only speaking from your own personal experiences and viewpoints, you’ll reach people. Treat your views like they’re the gospel, and you may alienate more readers than you attract.

Write What You Know

To my erotic writer friends who would love to write non-fiction pieces – erotic or otherwise – give it a shot. You might not know the difference between silicone sex toys and the cheap, jelly kind or how anyone other than yourself enjoys sex. Those aren’t the pieces you should write. What do you know to be true about your own sexual experience? How have you overcome a lack of education or desire? Has writing fiction shaped what you believe about sex? Frankly, as a reader, I’d be fascinated to read this kind of stuff.

For my how-to, helpful, information-as-power sex-writer friends, fiction is just the story in your head. If it’s something you’re curious about, try it. You don’t have to publish everything you write. Jot down a few ideas. Let yourself play with language. I write erotic non-fiction more than fiction because (to me) it’s the best of both worlds. I write what I know (my comfort zone) but I get the fiction writer’s freedom to play with language and make words dance on the screen/page.

A writer writes. A smutlancer smuts…or something like that. Don’t let your own self-judgment hamper the ideas flowing in your mind. Write the things that speak to you, even if (and especially if) some part of your brain tells you that you can’t or you’re not allowed. Maybe it’s not for you, but you’ll never know until you try.