Why You Really Need a Blog, Even If It’s Not a Sex Blog

To blog or not to blog, that is the question for so many writers. Of course, the inverse of that for sex bloggers is “to pitch or not to pitch.” When you’ve already got a sex blog, you wonder if you’re “qualified” to pitch ideas to websites or charge for your writing. When you write for publications or publish books, you wonder if you really have anything to say in a blog. Or, said another way, do you really need a sex blog?

Does anyone need a sex blog? Well, some of us will tell you it keeps us sane, makes us better humans, and helps build a more sex positive world. So yes, we need sex blogs. Do you personally have to write one? Of course not. Should you have some kind of blog? Yes.

Develop a Writing Habit

The only way to improve your writing is to write. Do you have to blog to do this? No. But it’s also a good way to get immediate feedback, and get over the nerves of putting your work out for public consumption. Blogging regularly also helps you develop a writing habit. The more you blog, the more work and words you produce. Sure, 300 words on that sex dream you had might not seem like much, but it’s another 300 words to add to your writing total.

When I first started my blog, KaylaLords.com (when it was still a free site through WordPress), I only had one time of day to write. If I wanted to get the words out of my head and onto the page/screen, nine at night was my only opportunity. Miss it, and I wouldn’t get another chance until the next day. Guess who tried very hard not to miss my one and only time? It became my habit, my drug, my fix, and something I desperately needed. It also provided excellent practice.

Join the Blogging Community

Imagine any genre of blogging out there – sex, food, travel, beauty – they all have communities. There is no one single community either but a bunch of little ones, medium size ones, and big ones you can join. The sex blogging community I found while I was still lurking and reading was also where I first felt acceptance as a kinky person and as a writer.

My first readers were other bloggers. They encouraged me, talked to me, and kept me going when it felt like no one was reading my work. When you find other writers in your community you trust, you also get to ask for feedback, advice, and sometimes help with proofreading. Of course, you also need to be a good community member, too. Maybe you don’t go out of your way to help a newbie, but you can still read, comment, share, and encourage people.

Create Clips for Future Publishers

A “clip” in the world of writing is simply an article you’ve written in the past to show editors and publishers you’re capable of writing in general or about the topic they want you to cover. Some clips are more valuable depending on the quality of the piece or who published it. When someone asks for clips of your past work, what they’re asking for are links to pieces you’ve written that have been published.

Most online publishers want proof that you know how to write before they’ll hire you. How do you get your first writing job with no clips when you need clips to get the writing job? It’s a vicious cycle. Unless you have a blog. Yes, you can use links on your blog as clips until you’re published elsewhere. When you share a link to your blog, it should be a link to a specific blog post (not your homepage) that represents your best work. Your clips are a living, breathing resume that say, “Yes, I can write and here’s my proof.”

Build An Audience

To be honest, sometimes I’ve been offered writing work or sponsored posts for reasons that have nothing to do with my writing abilities or my views on sex and kink. What those companies wanted was exposure to my audience. Not everyone who wants to get in front of my readers does, but without my blog, I have no audience for companies to want.

Sometimes your ability to get paid for your writing (like that sweet book deal you’re pining for or those sexy sponsored posts you really want) depends on the fact that you have an audience. Is it possible to build an audience only on social media? Of course it is, but to have something less fleeting, a blog or website is better. And we’re all writers here, right? A blog is a much more effective tool than your social media feed to be a writer.

Learn How to Tell a Story

Blogging can be anything you want it to be: advice on how to do almost anything, fictional stories, your personal philosophical musings, pictures of your toes every single day for a year, literally anything. No matter what type of content you decide to create, do it long enough, and you’ll start to tell a story. Maybe it’s the story of you or the story of an ideal person or place. It could be story of that one long hair on your big toe. But make no mistake, with a blog, you’re engaged in storytelling.

One of two things happens in blogging: you know the story you want to tell from the beginning or you figure it out after a while. One other thing that’s guaranteed to happen: once you focus on your story, you’ll get better at telling it. This is amazing practice for writing in other (paying) venues. Ultimately, what any editor or publisher wants is a good story. If you can make that hair on your big toe fascinating, I promise you’ll be able to make cleaning dildos or anal fisting interesting, too.

Putting it All Together

To be a paid, professional sex writer, do you need a sex blog? Probably not, but I recommend some kind of blog that you’re willing to claim as your own. If you want to be known for your ability to educate people about sex, a sex blog is a damn good idea. So I’m pro-sex blog but I don’t want anyone to write one who isn’t committed to the idea of it.

What is a sex blog, anyway? A blog that focuses on sex: erotic fiction, non-fiction, sex, gender, sex toys, kink, BDSM, asexuality, masturbation, breakups, love affairs…the list can go on forever. The point is to have a blog. Write and publish on a consistent basis. Share your perspective. Build an audience. Be a part of the community. And when the time is right, use your blog to help you make money.

Kayla Lords

Kayla Lords is a freelance sex writer, podcaster, blogger, all-around sex content creating human, and she really likes creating content. As a writer, she focuses on sex and kink primarily on BDSM and power exchange. She works with private clients to write their content and manage their social media, while also co-hosting two podcasts, running a YouTube channel, and managing multiple blogs. Let's just say, she stays busy and wants to keep it that way. Kayla is an international speaker and an award-winning sex blogger. She believes we are stronger together as a community than we are isolated and apart. We all deserve to get paid for the work we do, but until we understand our cumulative power, we'll all wonder if we're "the only one" doing this smutlancing thing.

2 Responses

  1. Great post. You have made two (amongst many) points.

    1 – You need to be about to tell a story or take your reader on a journey otherwise they will get lost and just leave.

    2 – You need to build an audience, I think that this is very important also to show that people are interested in your work and also you need to make sure that you interact with them.

    Top Notch Post

    From a Regular Reader
    Norty Ninja

    • Kayla Lords says:

      Thank you so much, and I agree – taking your reader on a journey is so important. The key is sharing a journey that people want to go on in the first place. For the most part, that takes time and just putting in the effort and doing the writing.

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